As discussed in my
previous blog, my three protected values are as follows; caring for my family,
protecting humanity and protecting the freedom of peaceful beliefs. For myself these values are inherent in who I
am. How far would I be willing to go in order to protect these values? When do they conflict with one another and what happens when they do? These are questions I have to ask myself in order to have a better understanding of how valuable they truly are to me. Are my values worth my life? Are they worth the life of others? Are they worth the friendship of others? These can be difficult questions to answer, however, doing so may help when the time comes to protect these values.
One of these values is a physical
entity. My family, to me, is the most
important thing in my world and I will do anything to protect them. Where my struggle begins is when my family is
willing to hurt others. What if my child
was going to hurt someone else? What if he, through his experiences, believes
that hurting someone innocent is the right thing to do? How would I handle that
situation?
One experience I've had that
is similar but not quite as extreme is with a cousin of mine. Over the years I have watched him date, lie
to and hurt many girls he's had relationships with. It's been about 5 years since I last saw
him. I was recently attending a military
course that happened to be located near where he is going to school. I went up to visit him and met his girlfriend
he is living with. She is incredibly
nice and funny and I really liked her. I
thought maybe at this point he'd grown up and stopped all the lying to women
I'd watched him do growing up. The next
week he and his girlfriend flew to Utah for Thanksgiving. One night I got a text from my brother who
had caught my cousin out on a date with a different girl than his
girlfriend. As disappointed as I was, I
wasn't surprised. I ended up not seeing
my cousin again because I couldn't look at him without wanting to punch him in
the face. I also couldn't look at his
girlfriend knowing what I know. In the
past I have told girls he's been with about what he does and it never changes
anything so I've opted to just stay out of it and generally I don't communicate
with him all that much. This is a
struggle for me because while he is family and I care about him, I also care
for the many girls he's hurt. It's one
thing when you are young and dumb, but as you grow up there are real
consequences to the things you do to others.
It is a struggle to care for my family and care for others. In more extreme circumstances I can see how
much more difficult it would become to truly care for both. As your kids grow up you have to hope that
you have taught them to respect life and others beliefs and hope they go on to
do the same.
When looking back at
the video by Dan Gilbert, he discusses Odds.
I have certain protected values based on my life and my
experiences. We often make decisions
based on odds. When he discusses the
lottery and how we make decisions, we often make decisions based on our
memory. When we see lots of people win
the lottery we think we are more likely to win.
We also recall answers to questions based on memory. An example he gives is when we guess that we
are more likely to see dogs on leashes than pigs on leashes because in our life
we have seen more dogs on leashes. I
base my values on my previous experiences.
Had I grown up in an abusive home with hateful, racist parents I may not
hold the same values. I may not care for
family or even want to have a family of my own.
I also may not agree to let others hold their own beliefs and may even
think it poses a threat to me. I also
may not have any concept of humanity or what that means. Had I grown up in an abusive household I may
only understand survival rather than the concepts of caring for others.
Our values are developed through our life
experiences and may change depending on how our life changes and how our
experiences change. Dan Gilbert states
that, "Comparison changes the value of things" (Gilbert, 2005). My value of protecting beliefs in incredibly
important to me. If I move to a country
where that same value is not held and people are killed every day for holding
their own beliefs would this value change?
Would something else become more important? If I live somewhere where the law states that
I don't have these freedoms do my values change or do my decisions change? In my own life my values have dictated quite
a bit of my decision-making. As I come
in contact with others I interact with them in a way that respects their
beliefs and values because that is part of my value. When someone violates another's life or
freedom or humanity my own value on humanity requires me to step in and do
something about it. However, would doing
something about this take away from my ability to care about my family. Although I am in the military I specifically
stayed away from military professions that specifically put me in harm's
way. While I could be in danger as a
Logistics Officer I am not as likely as someone in Special Operations or Para
Rescue. Those people specifically go in
to harm's way in order to protect our world and others. While I respect them greatly, doing something
like this would have taken away from my ability to take care of my own family
when they need me. This is just not a
choice I can personally make. I applaud
those who can.
Having protected
values is important to our lives. By
knowing what we value and how much we value it we can make decisions before
ever being put in a situation. There
may, however, come a time when we have to choose between protected values or
even not being able to protect them in a way we once had. Understanding this may enable us to make the
best decision possible when protecting these values may not be feasible.
Bibliography
Gilbert,
D. (2005, July). Why We make bad Decisions.
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